If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
