Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
