he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize