There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
