my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
