she was so not down for the gang bang
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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