How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
