Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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