yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
