yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
