I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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