What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
