I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
