thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
