Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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