"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
