Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
