I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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