theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
