And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
