So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
