the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm too high and old for this...
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