i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
