life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
