How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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