Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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