I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
