and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
