Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
