so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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