dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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