There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
