I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
