Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When did angry sex become our thing?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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