Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
