I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There's even glitter on my cock...
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