Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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