chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize