if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
