he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
