Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
