my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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