he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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