i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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