The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
