She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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