Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
