so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
