im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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