So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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