It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
