I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Edward fifth and chaser hands
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
