I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
