Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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