I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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