it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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