Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
