I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
