I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
