Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
