My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
