you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
