Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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