shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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