so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
