Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i think my tv is drunk
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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