he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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