Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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