meet me or not, i'm out of control
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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