the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
