you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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