the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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