She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
