I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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