I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
