By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
