he wants to bone in the snuggie
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
