operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
