I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize