hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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